Do I matter ? Am I worth something ? The universal question we all want answers to. The journey through life where ever you are can be daunting at times. For most of us coming to an understanding that I’m worth something to this world is what we really search for. Yet, finding that true feeling of worth seems so elusive to many in this world. Life with all its challenges and relationships can get really confusing and misleading and we may not know where our self worth really lies.
Your self worth does not lie in others
From a very young age we seek the approval of others for validation. It’s Human nature, as we are social creatures. Relationships with family, peers, colleagues and a significant other makes up most of our lives. It is natural to seek the approval from these relationships to make us feel complete and worthy. So from a very young age our sense of self worth becomes attached to the opinions of others. It is a completely natural process.
As we go through life this habit becomes etched in our DNA and our very lives revolve around seeking validation from others, be it people close to us or anyone else for that matter. Admiration and approval from another becomes the central foundation of happiness in our lives. We tend to go through in life trying to please the ones around us in a subconscious effort to feel validated and feel worthy of this life. Unfortunately there will always be a time that someone will not validate us. This leads to disappointment and despair, because the notion of someone not approving you and your ways or your identity is so Alien to you that you actually believe that the short comings are from you and not anyone else. “How can someone not like me? How can someone think highly of me for such a long time and then suddenly feel so negatively towards me? How can someone state that they love me for years and then say they don’t anymore” At some point in life we will all face similar situations in life. At this moment our self worth is in danger of shattering, because we feel like all of this happened because of our own short comings. And we go into a loop of thinking that it is our own fault, and our sense of self worth slowly slips away. It is a dis-paring place to be when you question your own self worth and depression may ensue. Through habitual nature we will seek to come out of this state by finding our self worth again, and we once again tend to seek others to validate us or at times we seek clarity from the very same people that hurt us to somehow feel like its not our fault. But they will never be able to make us feel otherwise.We constantly seek our validation from the outside world and almost always the outside world cannot live up to this expectation we have of it. It will undoubtedly fall short at some point.
If you are living in such a state of mind of seeking your self worth from others it is perfectly normal and it’s human nature. I’m here to tell you that your self worth does not lie in any other person but yourself. You may not know it or feel it at this point in life but it lies within you and you will be able to unleash it by understanding that it is what you believe about yourself that matters and not the opinion of another. Everyone will have an opinion of you but that opinion is not your reality. Your reality is what you believe and understand about yourself , and there by your own self worth lies within you and not in another. Whatever good you do or however much you achieve there will always be people who will not agree with you or your ways. In certain situations the blame will be put on to you directly by another person, and if you felt a sense of reassurance and self worth by the words of such a person then naturally your sense of self worth is lost at that moment. But if you chose to not give value to those words and found your self worth within yourself then your self worth remains intact. It is not an easy task but it is an essential task to find a sense of purpose and happiness in life from within than from another person. That negative opinion has value only if you give it value. The moment you stop seeking a positive opinion from another to validate yourself, is the moment the world loses its power to hurt you and your self worth becomes your own.
We have such high expectations from the people around us. We make the mistake of predicting the reaction others are suppose to have towards us for an array of situations and we approach most relationships in such a way that no one is able to live up to those expectations. Naturally you will always be disappointed by others at some point in time. Treat every person with respect and kindness regardless of how you are treated, but do not make the mistake of seeking acceptance and reassurance from another person because no single person can give that continuously to another, because just like you, everyone is an individual who is going through different emotions, and it is not fair for one to expect to be treated exactly the way you want to by another when he/she is going through so much. Therefore always look to yourself to find your true worth.
Self Love
Self love is an integral part of your self worth. You must love yourself truly to one- day love another truly. Its a trivial phrase but one of the most important aspects of anyone’s life. If you are not fulfilled enough to love yourself you can never ever truly be happy and feel a sense of worth. Regardless of what is told to you by your closest person or any passer by, you must love yourself and tell your self ”I’m Worthy and I’m good enough for this world ” Every moment you feel like you are not worthy you must say it to yourself until it becomes engraved in your subconscious mind. Words are the most powerful weapon in the world. It can build a nation and also destroy a nation. Therefore even the words you say to yourself will give you the strength to find your self worth and find a way to love yourself.
Kindness to others
The world is full of people who are in need of help. Even the person who seems to have it all will have a time he/she needs help at some point. So find your self worth through the act of kindness. If you can help a single person smile or feel like someone cares for them, you have contributed to the well being of this world and you are worthy to this society. Everyone in this world matters regardless of their race, religion, gender, social status and occupation. Everyone has a part to play, even you have a part to play. Do not let anyone else tell you otherwise. A single person can change a life of another just by a simple smile. So knowing that you did an act of kindness is all you need to find your self worth. It is because of your act of kindness that another person is smiling. Therefore even if you only do it once a month, that simple act is enough to show that you are worthy, because it mattered to the person you helped.
Therefore it is important for all of us to find our self worth. It is the very essence of human existence. To know that you are worthy is the true purpose of life itself. It does not lie in another person and no one from the outside can truly give you that. So do not seek it from others. It lies within your heart. If you believe you are worth something then that is the answer to your question. Find it in your heart to love yourself no matter what anyone says and carry out a simple act of kindness in the most simplest of ways and you will find your self worth.
